Houston, Zachary Houston

*plays JUMZZZ by Loukeman

A little boy and girl are waiting in the front drive with stuffed animals..a bison..and a bear. I walk up to help and the little girl lights up and immediately taps her little brother on the shoulder..saying “look!” While pointing at me…his face lights up as well. They are looking at my name tag…He says..”my name is Zachary too!” Followed by a strong fist bump for a 6 year old. We talked about how we spelled it when we shortened it and we spelled it differently..but we were still both named Zachary. I told him we had the best name in the world and he agreed. We then talked about all of the elk, moose, and bear that he saw in Yellowstone the days before..and he couldn’t wait to see more in the Tetons. A few hours later I hear a little voice yelling at me from above..little Zachary is on his balcony with his dad..he gives a big wave and says…”Hi Zachary!” I replied..Oh hi Zachary! It made my day. I didn’t know people still named their kid Zachary..I thought it was a 90’s trend. Today, I’m happy to be a Zachary..an older Zachary…a Zachary that a younger Zachary can look up to….and I hope that little Zachary sees a million elk, moose, and bear while exploring the park with his family.

I’m writing from 31 D…an aisle seat. Booked flight not long ago..a little further back. Thats okay. As long as I get an aisle. First time on a plane since returning from New Zealand. I love the Jackson airport..always have..seeing the Tetons while waiting..it doesn’t get any better. I had a weird night of sleep in the park. I wasn’t prepared to leave this morning..was kind of winging things past couple days. Boarding at 7:15 a.m…need to sleep a little closer to the airport..not the airport parking lot..well because I’m sure it wouldn’t fly with security;) Sleep in the pitch-black in one of my typical camping areas..too tired to climb in the back..recline the driver’s seat..still no bag packed for this trip. Hiding from passing cars…seeing their lights for what seems like a mile before they reach me. The plan was to be the first one in the rec to shower and then hustle back to the airport..falling asleep I knew it wasn’t going to happen…a spotty 3.5 hours of sleep is my guess…I’d been getting much more than that..but I think I was excited to get on a plane…excited to walk in an airport..no shower..straight to the airport..stepping into an airport for me…means something new..awaits..even if its returning to your home…stepping into an airport means the start of a new adventure..a new person to meet..an unforeseen change in a plan..a never before seen situation to solve..a challenge..a goodbye..a hello…a new place..or a new face. I love the airport.

Brush teeth in bathroom..have my bags searched a little hardcore for drugs? With the little test strips…more than usual..confidently knowing there is zero chance of anything showing up..well because my stuff has been clean for quite sometime..but still somewhere in my heart it beats a little faster than normal. I don’t trust them.

My screen shows an Olympic track runner who won a bronze medal in one of the sprints..Lyles is his name..apparently he has had covid. Laid out on the track and then in a wheelchair lol. I’ve barely watched the Olympics and have only seen headlines and glimpses on restaurant tv’s. I did watch Simone Biles win all-around? The guy next to me was in awe of her capabilities.. he referred to her as a “little stick of dynamite, isn’t she?”..I thought to myself..I love that description…very accurate..I agreed. We smiled and didn’t talk much while Simone celebrated around the arena with American flag. Her husband and family were very excited. I liked the entire scene and was proud of my fellow American.

I saw the headline a few days ago that this same guy came in 2nd and he swore he wouldn’t lose again..he won gold in something else the next time he raced…and was talking shit maybe…nothing I read sounded very humble. He loses this 200m race..I mean….well he medals..thats pretty good right..I guess he’s supposed to be fastest in the world>>> I haven’t done enough research, but from I have gathered..he has a history of being full of excuses whenever he loses. Covid..that he had been battling covid through this one…and immediately gives that excuse when he loses…not waiting a few days..immediately. I’d probably like to see a “positive test”…either don’t run…which…I think would be pretty hard to do given the amount of chances you have of racing in the olympics..or don’t say anything for a few days and let your fellow American who won silver and the gold medalist enjoy their grand accomplishment..felt like something a high-school athlete would do. When you google the American who came in 2nd you mainly see articles and pictures of Lyles. Kenny Bednarek is the silver medalists from the States. Not a fan of Lyles.

And here I am a little boy on a plane complaining on his laptop…with crappy knees at 29. Idk can I justify my complaining by talking about having pride in your country and showing sportsmanship blah blah blah…I’m doing nothing but resembling the same bullshit that I read online of other people complaining…what….someone running from one line….to another line. Athletes for sure..impressive for sure. Life lessons all within it…little Zacharys’ looking up to big Zacharys’. But at the end of the day….is it still not…running from one painted line to another painted line..…ooff and I’ve always loved sports..but how much energy can I give to….well schoolyard games…and people that I don’t know…hmmmmmmm I mean if it brings you joy and happiness…well great! But if all of these things well out of our control…get us riled up..and filling our thoughts with negativity..then is it time to change the channel? I guess it distracts from real problems…or just gives us something to talk about…..maybe attention…or lets us feel better by putting down someone else who was better than us at something…makes us feel better right!!!!! Shit, I’m guilty.

Okay…Zack said he’s too good for sports and that we should only be focused on serious life matters…no. I just wonder why we use so much energy on…..negative energy..crap and drama revolved around sports.. I guess it sells. $$$. Or we are that bored. I love throwing a baseball, I love shooting a basketball, and I hate running from one painted line to another painted line.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of my opinions are half-developed. I am unsure about a lot of things and usually give up on fully developing a firm opinion on controversial topics. I think I like to please all. I do have certain firm beliefs..I also think I’m lazy in the fact that I haven’t spent serious time firming up something before I speak about it on here…but this is finding Zack after all…I’m just typing what comes to me and showing the inside of me..while discovering me…at the same time.

Okay…well here is a distraction..that I enjoy…an old movie playing on the back of the headrest in front of me. Goldfinger…James Bond movie…a Sean Connery one. He’s cool I guess..I’ve never really cared much for him…and this movie is cheesy…I liked Pierce Brosnan..thats who I grew up with as Bond…but after going back and seeing the other bonds…I still like pierce..a little less cheese..more genuine suave.

I’m not listening to the movie while I type this…I’m reading a few of the captions and watching some of the action scenes…I’m guessing what year it is…I think I’m wrong…but I’m going with 1968 this film came out. From this era the only visual references I’m going off of are Led Zeppelin..Grateful Dead…Kennedy. Connery is a sharp looking man no doubt..but I can feel the cringe without hearing anything….and the cringe deal is sealed when…they introduce a blonde character…lol she goes “My name is Pussy Galore”….and she has an airplane fleet with identical blonde female pilots in black jumpsuits. Sorry…but Bond keeps referring to her as….”Pussy” and I’m laughing to myself like a 7th grader in biology class with his best friends before p.e.

Goldfinger is a chubby villain..blonde hair..wearing a gold suit…he’s got Bond..shackled to a gold table ….his legs spread…a red laser starts cutting from the bottom of the table and starts to slowly move towards Bond…in what you would think cut him right in half…

Goldfinger stands over him…smirks…says, “This is Gold, Mr. Bond”.  “All my life, I’ve been in love with its color,

Its brilliance, its divine heaviness”

I mentioned nostalgia…last week…and  I got pissed and didn’t want to visit it…haha but I have been extremely nostalgic this year…I think its tied to loneliness…probably some depression…I don’t think I’m obsessing over it..but there are just so many days in a row where the same things or people are showing up in my thoughts..and so many things remind me of this and that…I think its normal for it to happen in times of transition…lack of stability that you thought you once had..I think nostalgia is fun…I like remembering things, people, and places that I loved…I remember lots of details…and I enjoy the little reminders of all of it when I see things out in the wild world. I don’t feel like I dwell too much on the past..I think I have a healthy relationship with it..while remaining present and working towards my current and future state of happiness and ambitions.

As I turn my shoulder left to stretch..I see a mama whose chunky baby stopped crying…they are both asleep. The dad is in the window seat wearing a familiar hat..see..good things in the wild…It says southern nuclear..and it has the red triangle logo that southern company uses….my dad worked for southern company….in the early-mid 2000’s their company provided the employees with all kinds of triangle logo apparel..all different color hats..shirts..jackets. I can still see my dad walking though the door around 5:30 or 6:00 pm after school…Garrett and I running to hug him…the logo on the shirt…the shirt texture..was heavy cloth…I can feel it that shirt and hug. I can see that logo across the baseball field as dad walks up with the GA power hat on. I think the right amount of nostalgia is good.

This week at work I see a stain in the concrete..it looks like the shape of the Hawaiian islands..I’ve never been…but always wanted to go….well that reminder keeps me moving forward…present and forward. I like finding symbolism and meaning behind things in this life…I think it keeps me alive and going…I think it excites me..keeps my blood circulating…keeps my wandering heart, mind, and soul going…finding meaning in all of it..keeps me going. Turning life into a game…or actually…maybe turning it into a puzzle…slowly gathering the pieces..keeps it interesting…and knowing that there is almost a 100% chance that one of the puzzle pieces has disappeared and the full puzzle will never be complete…but the process of putting together what you can…is good enough for me. :) A partial view of it all is better than no view at all.

They have Japanese bellmen in this movie..the bellmen stand with firm wide stances….straight back postures…being told what to do by Goldfinger as he orders them to assist with “excess luggage”…the noble guest declines help. Peels out of the “hotel”.

Thats my next move…go to Japan…wear traditional Japanese clothing and become a bellman serving the elite of Japan. You lose key..you lose finger…but we will pay you big $. And hey I can explore a new country and culture. Perfect! High risk high reward.

Marchant gave a great sermon by the way…confident, direct, and effective. I have no doubt he will help many people. One reason why I love Marchant is that when he speaks…I genuinely believe he has the best interest in whoever he is talking to….so if you are going to put someone in front of people..then Marchant couldn’t be a better choice. Eye contact and a raw intention to help others. I admire. You can feel his intention and yearning to save and help others. Remarkable.

“Rest from our own minds” as he talks about anxiety of individuals in our society”…”dirty clothes”…Marchant if you’re reading….Yancey has a skit he did at our childhood church regarding “dirty LAUNdry”…y’all should call each other about it sometime.

I’m going to pause…a 3 hour layover in…Atlanta. A tease of being so close to loved ones. A visitor is all I’ll be soon. A passerby..and a blip on the life map of a memory. Poof. All of us…all of this..will all be “poof” one day..don’t forget it..act accordingly.

Pause..

Unpause..

Yup…weird being here and just passing through the airport. It’s not home anymore. Most times when I step foot in this airport…I would say it would be a Sunday evening….hot..dreading the work week. One time I didn’t even make it back to my house…just hopped on another plane to Detroit in the middle of winter to experience a a cold city I’ve never been to..stupid. I’ve started and ended many trips here. I’ve sat excited for flights..I’ve cried waiting on flights..I’ve laughed with friends by running into them in this airport. I’ve started many adventures here. Within about 5 minutes of walking in the terminal…you can feel the attitude lol..I kind of missed that…just a little Atl spice to it all. I know it’s an international airport…but it’s diverse…not much diversity out west.

It’s hot here. New lounge opened since I’ve been here last…it’s beautiful.

I threw my work shoes away in terminal E. They stank! It was time…had them for 3 months..soles worn down..and green fumes billowing out. All I have is chacos and socks on my feet…no other footwear…On the hunt in the airport. Tap dancing shoes might help me earn some extra cash on bourbon st. while I’m away from work.

I’m headed somewhere that is probably hotter. New Orleans.

Garrett’s Bachelor party is in Venice, Louisiana…we got’ be sweating boy. Can’t wait. Catching tuna and making jokes. Dad will be there with a good group of G’s friends.

Haven’t been to Nola since 2015. I’m not quite the same person I was back then..hope to have some recollection of the French quarter this time.

Garrett has always surrounded himself with great guys and I look forward to spending time with them..and of course G. Its been a little bit since we’ve hung out.

As I sit here looking out the window towards my old city…alot of things come up…and I don’t wish I still lived here..but I do miss it. I see a braves hat over there, a tech hat over there, just had cornbread, and the olympics are on the tv. I see a New Zealand shot-putter and I see sweet tea. Fans are roaring on the terrace as people sit out in the heat. Atlanta memorabilia line parts of the airport. Atlanta taught me a lot and i’m very thankful for this place…I will visit for the rest of my life…but it’s over…my focus is on these flags of other countries on the tv….I have a lot left to see.

Will be back soon. Life is good in Wyoming. Figuring out living situation for winter. Planning for South America trip. Enjoying every day and every interaction. Loving myself and others. Breathing, feeling, seeing, and hearing.

I miss my dogs.

Much love,

-Z